i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
