i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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