I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
