I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
