so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
