Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
