You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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