thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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