my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
