He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
