Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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