Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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