Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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