Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
