No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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