hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
