i don't like sucking hair
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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