We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
