2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
