I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
