Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
