don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
