ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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