I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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