Already got asked if we're dating
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
