i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
