I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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