So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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