i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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