I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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