My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
