cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
