Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
