There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
