I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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