dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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