She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
