Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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