so let's talk penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
