we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
