let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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