were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I could make wine with my vomit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
