I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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