Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
