mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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