Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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