I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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