You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
