He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
