In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
