First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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