why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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