walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
