the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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