Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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