Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
