How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Randomize
