dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
