i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
