Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
