lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
