do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm like, not good at living.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
