Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
