remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
