Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
