I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
