he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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